Condiment abomination

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I love these but they could be more evil. I recommend chilling them solid, making them purple and replacing the sugar with an artificial substitute that has an unsettling aftertaste.

who said anything about using it on a burger? it’s a fruit rollup, for your recess ketchup fix with less mess. no more dropping a bottle on the slide.

< Hellman’s Boardroom >

CEO: “Alright, times are tough, and people are using less condiments than usual…Bill, what was that number you said? 56% less. 56! I asked you all to come up with one idea to turn that around by the 12th…well, it’s the 12th. What do you guys have!”

Hungover worker who clearly forgot the assignment: “Uh…uh…ketchup.”

CEO: “Ketchup? What the hell? Get the fuck out, you’re fired.”

Worker: “Uh, I mean…ketchup…umm…ketchup…slices?”

CEO: “My God, you’ve just saved this company.”

I would not want this.

This but the meat is squeezed out of a bottle onto it

No one's inviting to a cookout with those things. It's for lunch boxes, so the condiment doesn't make the bread soggy. It's like having packets but presumably in a smaller package because regular people aren't buying a 1,000 pack box of fast food packets.

And the cops did nothing?