A “trying dad” would be called a neglectful mother

Gosh, this reminds me of those Jimmy Kimmel street interviews, where the fathers didn't know the most basic information-- like their child's birthday and what school they attended. 

The most egregious one was a father who didn't know that his son was allergic to penicillin. 

I mean she's not wrong. My dad couldn't be bothered to learn teacher's names or when I had band practice. Both parents worked full time but mom clearly put in more effort to know and understand her kids.

I've often said that I'd only ever want to have kids if I could be "a dad" and not a mom.

But, I've got a uterus and am not a trans man, sooo.... I'll be an auntie.

Yep that's just fact. Already when my son was a baby my mother was telling me what a great dad he was because he changed diapers, bathed him, etc. Which he is, he is a great dad. But I was like "ok well... where is my fucking parade for doing just as much and more" 🙄🤔

I don’t get that kind of preferential treatment.

I mean, she's not wrong, but I think she's mislaying the locus of blame. Yes, dads are held to different (generally lower) standards when it comes to nurture than moms are, but we also live in a world where men are not socialized to nurture, foster connections, etc. A "trying" dad gets praise because, as screwed up as it is, he's doing more than was expected of him or that he was trained for.

Now, that's all fucked. It speaks to problems with how society treats gender and social roles. Women shouldn't be expected to carry so much of the burden of parenting, and men shouldn't be brought up in a society that divorces them from nurture. But the problem isn't with the "trying dads," or even the people that praise them. The problem is with how we're all raised and trained in society. The poor capacities and high praise of trying dads is as much a product of social failures as the heavy burdens and high criticism of mothers.

Idk about dads putting in the work and getting praise every time. I just watched a video of a dad helping his girls wash their hands and some old prick called the cops on him.

I get, and agree with, what she is saying. That was just on my mind while watching this.

As a dad, this has some validity but I know my daughters size, I know her teachers name, I know her pediatricians name. I would expect my friends who have kids to know all of that as well, and have actually roasted guys at work for not knowing these kind of basic things about their kids. These things only get accepted if we accaept them.

👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻

I think this dynamic is starting to change. And fathers don’t really have a previous generation to talk to about how to be an active father while working and being emotionally available because these things were expected of previous fathers.