I want to post videos and I hate being public, but I want to be private. I like creating videos and I like the dopamine hit of likes and views and followers. How do I choose between being private and public?

I feel conflicted. I don't know if anyone understands what I'm about to say, I hope someone does. I like being creative, creating videos is so much fun for me. And when other people enjoy them, I feel so happy and it gives me an instant dopamine hit when I see the new likes, comments and followers. However, I don't like the aspect of being public, mainly because of how popular people have shown to be, like that Justin Beiber video, "clock into business" or something about him being provoked by paparazzi. I can't decide if I want to be private and "live a peaceful life" or have somewhat of a platform where I can express myself, I know I won't be as famous as Justin Bieber, as I have had only a few videos go viral and I'd immediately delete the account because I got scared. How do I choose between public and private? I'm sorry if this sounds stupid.

I want to try and delete all my social media but I can't seem to because people my age are connecting through that nowadays and I won't have any friends to connect with.

Edit: i remember watching an oddly specific crystal video giving advice on how to grow your social media platform. and whether to be a non-showing face account or not and mentioned the youtube account dream. how if you're a no face account, the expectations of your face being absolutely hot is increased. and if you're not hot. then you're practically a meme