Alas, chivalry lieth dead

Where, pray tell, have all the gallant, valorous gentlemen of yesteryear vanished? The lady asked unto the noble knight, beseeching aid against that most vile and treacherous monkey business. Yet, he didst merely standeth there, as if struck dumb by Fate herself, leaving the poor damsel most grievously exposed and in great peril. O wretched times in which we do dwell!